I would like to tell a story. - One of old, yet greatly needing to be revealed.
I have several journals at home residing in my bed-side table, all of which conclusively hold the promises of the Lord. Along side these great promises reside my prayers, victories, fears and failures. Originally, I had thought these journals would be recording the last year and only the last year. However, the real challenge has yet to come. Those prayer journals I thought would be documenting one of the most difficult times of trusting the Lord and clinging to him, proved to be just the beginning in what will be one of the greatest challenges/ adventures in my life.
For those who don't know me well, I would like to confess some short comings. I am not Brave, and Im not always self sufficient. I have never done well alone. I am really good at not always taking the Lord at His word, and I'm exceptional at not always being obedient to the voice of the Lord. When God says," How long will you kick against the godes?,I remain the one in the corner, kicking. Basically, change and I are not buddies. I seem to be the one in the Bible who Jesus refers to as," oh ye of little faith". I'm the one who doesn't doubt the capability of the Lord in a situation but doubts His willingness to heal, forgive, restore... or whatever the situation calls for.
Why am I telling you this? The Point is, Jesus is in the Business of refinement and restoration and I seem to be project number one or at least thats the way it sometimes feels. All of my short comings are in the process of being worked out of my life- Not so my faith can be revealed but that it may be refined. I have given the enemy way too much ground and am finally ready to take it back.
When this year came to an end I struggled much like David did when Saul wanted him dead. David knew God had an anointing on his life to be king and that this anointing was given to him by promise. Yet, David told his best friend Jonathan, I am one step from death. At this moment, he probably thought, "how is it that I have this amazing promise from the Lord, yet I'm being pursued to the point of death?"
That's were I was- walking that fine line of resting on God's promises, yet doubting His voice because my circumstance didn't match the promise. I was confused, yet God gave me the strangest peace. Although the Lord had given me this peace, my lack of faith, unbelief, and doubt still needed to be met head on. And with one simple request, I found my weakness met by His strength. " Lord, help me to love You more!" For it is in loving Him more that I trust Him more.
All this being said, I have been called out. About a year ago or maybe a little less, God laid it on my heart to move. Week after week I suppressed the stirring within me. I never brought it up anytime prayer was available. I knew if i received prayer, I would know God's will and would have to be obedient. Moving was simply not apart of God's plan for my life.
From the beginning I told the Lord, " if You want me down there, I need a place to live, someone to live with and a job to pay the bills... and friends. friends would be nice." In short, the Lord has come through in providing these things and is still coming though. Looking back, I see the hand of the Lord weaved through out the past couple of years preparing my heart for where He is calling me to be. OCEANSIDE.